comeasur

umm...

2004-08-20T16:47:02Z

hmmmm... I dont really feel like upadating...so i wont haha!

comeasur @ 2004-08-01T20:30:00

2004-08-02T00:31:34Z

Dan and I are celebrating our first anniversary August 17. I only have like $50, but i want to do something sweet and romantic for him. I am not a good cook either. Can anyone help me?

TORN

2004-06-26T02:25:54Z

ADVICE IS ABSOLULEY NEEDED!

Ok, first off I just want to say, I recieved my licence, yay yay go me. ok now that that is out of the way, I have some serious stuff I need to talk about...

Im at my aunts house in Southie right now... There is a thunderstorm, how convienient, the weather in my head

Ok i have told u about Tim and Dan and Bob...

Tim and I really like eachother, as a matter of fact he said " i love you" when we hung up the other day. I said it back too, i didnt know what else to say! He is really sweet and awesome and he is taking me to pizza for my birthday... JULY 5 PEOPLE!!! Just in case u may have forgotten...just kiddin. Anyways, we were talkin and i told him i got my licence and he was like " cool u can drive for all our dates" I want to go out with him, he is amazing, we have so much in common.

But then there is Dan, who I love, I dont know why either. He calls me once each week if i am lucky and we see eachother once a week if i am lucky. I think he takes me for granted cuz he thinks ill always be there. Because I always jump to see him when he asks and i know i shouldnt but i do because im scared ill miss the oppurtunity to. I dont know, he is really sweet when we are alone together, but in public its sorta like we are strangers.And my family wants me to break up with Dan, which makes me want to stay with him even more.

Then there is Bob, the rapist... who likes me, but i dont like him. He is also Dans best friend, which complicates things. I told him if i break up with Dan I would go out with him because he wouldnt shut up. I dont want to go out with him. I really dont!

My Aunt offered me to live with hewr, because she knows how much i cant stand my parents and they cant stand me. My mother said this morning " you are a fucking cunt, i hate you.thats sad i feel that way about my own daughter but i do." So my Aunt wants me to move to Southie, but I live in Pembroke! Thats a big adaptation. I would miss my friends down there so much. And I would not blend with these "gangstas". But, on the other hand, i would be away from my family, and my aunt is really nice. She said she would treat me like an adult as long as I respect her. She told me I wouldnt have a curfew but she wouldnt expect me to come in around 3 in the morning or anything like that. And I would get to use her car. But I would have to go to Southie High.

Im so confused about my life right now, can some one please help?

Im gonna go, the shiny sharp pointy object in the corner is calling me...

oh my god!

2004-06-19T00:14:28Z

Okay, I think Im going to write in here for all the important entries that I dont want certain people to read.

Today I took my road test for the second time, and failed. He said it had to do with the three point turns, but I thought I did good on them. Anyways he told me that Im really close and not to give up. So yea, he was nice.

Last night was so fucked up it wasnt even funny. Bob called me and wanted to hang out. Im pretty sure he was stoned, cuz i think he smoked earlier that day. Anyways,he told me his mom died and he was feeling bad about it, so i was like "ok ill be nice and hang out with him" we hung out and he gave me a hug and started to kiss me. I resisted, and he told me he really liked me and he wanted to go out with me.so heres what was said:
"We cant do this again, I cant do this to Dan"
"Meg, Dan is cheating on you, he is gonna tell you soon, with this girl Kristen, our singer"
"Yea but Bob thats what you said last time"
"I know but I really mean it this time, Meg dont you believe me?"
"I want to but I dont know if I do I really dont think Dan would do that, I know him"
"Meg Im telling you"

So I dont know he almost raped me i kept trying to push him off and he is strong so it wastnt working too well and i kept saying "no no no no" but he wouldnt listen, finally I pushed him hard and he was like "okay okay fine!" but it was scary as all hell.
"We cant do this we cant im sorry i dont want to do it to dan"
"Come on ill pull right out i promise"
"No bob please no bob!"
(He was so close to raping me, but he didnt)
"Okay okay fine"

then I dont know... we some how got into a conversation on thee way home he was still trying to convince me Dan is cheating. I was like "Okay heres the deal, if Dan and I break up because he is cheating, I'll go out with you okay?" so he was happy. He asked me to the movies tomorrow and I said okay. I wont do anything with him if i go though. I dont like him in that way at all.

Then there is this kid Tim I like who I met at the mall, we talk online alot. I gave him my numberand we want to see eachother soon. He is really nice and sweet and stuff. He wants to go to the movies with me too. I like him and I would go out with him. We have alot in common.

Then there is obviously Dan, but I dont know if he still cares about me. I called him today i was like
"What are you doing?"
"Im gettin ready to go out with Fitz and get my Dad a present"
"Oh nevermind then"
"We can hang out Sunday"
"I need to talk to you"
"Are you upset?" "
"yea,i need to talk to you...face to face love you"
"love you too"
"byes"
"bye"

So there lies my dilemma, if anyone has any solutions, please leave a message or email me or something. Im so confused.

I really would like to commit suicide.

SCHOOL WORK!

2004-06-10T22:06:18Z

Ok my printer is not working and I cant acsess my email at school, so with that said I am posting a poem I wrote for school here so I can print it at school. There are two copies because I have to prove i revised it:

Child’s Revenge

You tell me to do
everything the way you desire.
Sorry to inform you
but I cant be everything that you want.

And I want you to know
That soon Im gonna go.
And there’s nothing you can do,
you’ll be the one that’s helpless.

You know what I am saying is true.
These wounds are bleeding blue,
you will never comprehend.
Theses wounds will never mend.
And I want to be anywhere,
but stuck here with you.

And I want you to know
That soon Im gonna go.
And there’s nothing you can do,
you’ll be the one that’s helpless.

Once I get my freedom Im going to run,
run faster than I have ever ran.
And I wont stick to any plan.
I’ll do whatever I would like,
and you wont be there to say you were right.

And I want you to know
That soon Im gonna go.
And there’s absolutely nothing you can do,
you’ll be the one that’s helpless.

Child’s Revenge

You tell me to do
everything the way you desire.
Sorry to inform you
but I cant be everything that you want.

And I want you to know
soon Im gonna go.
There’s nothing you can do,
you’ll be the one that’s helpless.

You know what I am saying is true.
These wounds are bleeding blue,
you will never comprehend.
These scars will never mend.
And I want to be anywhere,
but stuck here with you.

And I want you to know
soon Im gonna go.
There’s nothing you can do,
you’ll be the one that’s helpless.

Once I get my freedom Im going to run,
run faster than I have ever ran.
And I wont stick to any plan.
I’ll do whatever I would like,
and you wont be there to say you were right.

And I want you to know
soon Im gonna go.
And there’s absolutely nothing you can do,
you’ll be the one that’s helpless.

comeasur @ 2004-06-09T08:19:00

2004-06-09T12:43:18Z

I dont really know why I am updating here seeing I always use my other journal, but uhh okay. I dont have much to say. These journals are annyoing. I want to change my pic to jimmy page, but the pic is too big and there is a random girl in it. When I crop it I dont remember how to save it and stuff! Im so confused! http://www.knibb.org/juliefelix/scrap_files/jimmy-page-1970.jpg This is the pic. If you can help me I would really appreciate it! My other journal is http://www.ujournal.org/users/lakeoffire/ , because I know there has been some confusion regarding that. So if you want to know everything about my life click there. I update it like everyday, so yea. Im so bored, im in study hall. ok well im gonna be bored some more. later, check my other journal, and LEAVE LOTS AND LOTS OF COMMENTS! They make me feel specail. lol. *hugs to all*

comeasur @ 2004-05-12T08:11:00

2004-05-12T12:08:57Z

Hey everyone. Im in school right now, im too depressed to do work so im just screwing off. I have a journal on a different website (only because I got to use the screen name I like so here is the url http://www.ujournal.org/users/lakeoffire/
anyway its there if you care

comeasur @ 2004-05-09T19:53:00

2004-05-09T23:58:04Z

Hey hey, friend, thanks for reading I feel so loved. If you read this, i may say offensive thing, im not sure if i will, but if i do please do not take offense. try not to judge me based on my entries, I need a place to vent seeing I cant use my real diary. so with that said, I hope you enjoy,
Love me or hate me for who I am...